


dear fef

by dd436



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Sadstuck, high key sadstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2017-10-24
Packaged: 2019-01-22 14:29:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12483764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dd436/pseuds/dd436
Summary: i nevver spent much time in the wwater despite bein a seadwweller but for the first time it feels like im drowwnin.i wwanna talk to people but i dont wwanna ruin any more memories. i wwanna hide but i dont wwant the angels to get me. i wwanna die but im already dead.---or, in which eridan writes an apology letter that's actually just him having a mental breakdown.





	dear fef

dear fef  
i knoww the last thing you wwant at this point is me contactin you but please just read this. ill try to keep it short.

wwere dead, to put it simply. evverything i tried to avvoid for you has happened and im startin to think its my fault. im guessin you already kneww that, but you havve to understand, fef.  
it wwas my only hope. i thought maybe if you could see that, wwe could run awway. savve ourselvves. i knoww you wwanted the others to livve. it wwouldnt havve wworked. and then the meteor happened.  
its funny. i told kan id spare her wwhen cullin the landwwellers. 

it wwas like there wwas this cloud of darkness, and no matter howw hard i tried to wwavve it awway, id just breathe in more. and after you  
wwell  
i didnt care anymore.  
i wwas so angry. evverythin i wworked against happened and if i had to be hopeless, then so wwould evverybody else. i wwanted them to feel wwhat i did. i wwanted them to understand.  
so i destroyed the matriorb and shot kan.  
wwith three more people dowwn there wwas no wway wwed evver survvivve the meteor. i guess runnin off and makin it four didnt help, but it didnt hurt either. i doubt anyone wwanted me around after that. and then kan came back and beat up the others and i thought shed maybe punch me a bit but she sliced me straight in half and

that totally wwasnt fair.

truth is im sorry. its really quiet in the bubbles you knoww. no one really vvisits me. i dont blame them. i guess some a the mistakes i made couldvve been avvoided. im not sayin its all my fault but i guess shovvin the blame on others wwont really help my case. i wwanna apologize. at this point i dont care if wwe nevver fill a quad again. im so lonely fef. i havvent talked to anyone since i got here. i dont knoww howw long its been. its evven wworse than wwith the angels. they wwhispered things. terrible things. but back on planet i still had trollian, evveryone wwas there, evven if they barely talked to me. i had a shitty planet wwith shitty consorts but i tried. i really did. 

nowws wworse though. i only evver talk to myself. ivve gone back to lowwaa but i dont need the angels to tell me i lost any wworth i once had, and it makes me wwonder. did i evver havve any wworth? did anyone evver givve a flyin fuck about me?  
as soon as i got in the game and no one had to wwory about losin a player trollian sorta fell quiet. i thought maybe somethin wwas wwrong. the mustardblood wwas blockin my connection. i guess just no one cared. 

please answwer fef. if not to accept my apology at least to tell me if its true. if i really wwas a liability this entire time. ill stop tryin to contact evveryone. i just need a favvor. 

you cant die in the dreambubbles. im already dead. but i can find some place in the asscrack a this wworld and hide. stay in some memories of mine.

ivve been tryin to stay awway from the good ones. wwhen i just died, i couldnt escape the ones from lowwaa. the angels came back. wwhispered again. it stopped soon though. i think the bubbles kneww. that no matter wwhere i wwent, the thoughts wwere in my head noww. 

wwhen i vvisited nicer things, i started noticin the hints. remember one of the first time wwe wwent huntin for lusii. ivve alwways lovved that day. it wwas one of the feww days you seemed happy wwhen wwe wwere together. 

noww it wwas the exact opposite.  
the entire thing wwas rushed, like you wwanted to get the job done and then leavve as soon as possible. youd smile at me wwhen i looked ovver but quickly look awway to sigh deeply. maybe the first time i wwas too blinded by spendin time wwith you.  
i wwasnt noww. 

it nevver meant anythin did it? our moiraillegiance? it wwas just to keep your lusus fed and simultaniously make sure i didnt off any a the landglubbers. i shouldvve expected as much. it hurts fef. it hurts a lot. 

i nevver spent much time in the wwater despite bein a seadwweller but for the first time it feels like im drowwnin. 

i wwanna talk to people but i dont wwanna ruin any more memories. i wwanna hide but i dont wwant the angels to get me. i wwanna die but im already dead.

you made the bubbles fef.  
you found a wway to keep your friends close.  
i guess youvve made it clear wwere not friends.

cant you make an exception for me? make me disappear? itd make things better. for me. for evveryone. if not for me, at least do it for the others. wwouldnt wwant anyone to go to sleep and run into me. wwould make things a wwhole lotta unpleasant. i think most are doin a pretty good job at avvoidin me anywways.

kar wwas in one of my bubbles once. i wwanted to go up to him. i almost wwent up to him. but.

i digress. 

evver since then ivve been back on lowwaa. i knoww no one wwould evver come here, except maybe by accident. 

im beggin you fef. i dont wwant to exist. after all i did the last thing i deservve is help but please.  
just this once.  
i wwont delivver this myself. i doubt youd evven read it if i brought it around.  
one a the angels is doin it for me. it seems they dont mind helpin if itll get me awway. fuckin useless fuckin angels.  
im sorry fef  
for evverythin


End file.
